On this Mother’s Day, to my friends

As usual one more Mother’s day has passed. We posted photos with our mother, babies etc. Many praised about the kindheartedness, patience and sacrifices of mother’s. Well, everything was good. We should thank our mothers. But, it has a hidden problem too. It again sticks some wrong ideologies in our next generation about how an ideal mother should be.

We celebrate mother’s day on the second Sunday of May in recognition of  Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis – a social activist and community organizer during the American Civil War era when there was slavery and high rated patriarchy.

The mother’s day should actually remind us that each mother has an individuality / should have an individuality. An ideal mother, neither necessarily be a super cook nor necessarily does all the house chores alone. She should be a model to the next generation too. On this mother’s day I would like to dedicate this article to my mom who raised us like this, to my mom-in-law who raised my husband like what he is, to my grandma for raising my lovely mom and to my aunt who is like my second mother.

My mom, she is a graduate, was the chairman in college during her studies, wanted to go for job, but unfortunately she became a home maker due to the situational problems. Her mother – my grandma, was a teacher. She is a widow from past twenty three years. Even after her retirement, she did several businesses. She is living alone, does everything alone effortlessly. When I (eldest among three) was in high school, my mom again developed the thought of going for a job and studied Computer teachers Training Course with PGDCA. But after that course, when she weighed the efforts of going for the job with salary of that job, she realized it was not worth going for a job at that time. She taught me to weigh everything like that.

She raised us by always reminding us about the necessity of a job. Not just a job – a worthy job which can make us to lead our livelihood. She developed my mindset in a way that, we should study with aim, the aim should not be a grace mark in marriage market or should not be just something to show up to the society. She didn’t push me for marriage soon after my studies, patiently she supported to plan accordingly. She also prepared my brothers to do the house chores without the discrimination of male or female. My mom will not tell my brothers that men won’t / shouldn’t wash the kitchen utensils, clean the floor/bathroom etc. like some other so called perfect moms tell, instead she asks them to do it. She never spoon fed us, never prepared all the dishes as we asked for, I think we never wanted that. So I didn’t feel much difficulty during my hostel days, when others were telling it as horrible. Even though she did not get enough time as she wanted/needed to take rest for herself, she showed us a model to spend a little time for her hobbies like dancing, gardening, taking care of pets etc.

I have heard many of my friends telling that their husband never does any house chores. In case if they do it, the house will be either like a house after an earthquake or there will be dialogues like, they did something great. But my mom-in-law raised my husband in a way that cooking is an equal duty. She was a working woman and so she could show the model to her children. There everybody together does the cooking. They never feel ashamed as some men feel. I have heard from my friends that if their husband support house chores, some people in family feels pity on that man and takeover that work. But in my husband’s family nobody does so.

Read the following sentence and check whether you feel any problem in it. ‘Me and my wife are bank employees, after reaching home from workplace I used to help my wife for cooking and other house chores.’ I think, many don’t feel any problem in it and thinking it as good. Now, replace the word ‘wife’ with ‘husband’ and read it again. Do you feel any problem now ? I think, many feels ‘yes’ now. By default, we have set all the house chores for women. The only people can change it are mothers.

On this Mother’s Day, I would like to mention my specially abled aunt too, who is like my second mom. It’s not necessary to give birth to be a mom. As per the government certificates she has 60% disability due to Poliomyelitis. She was one of the best teacher during her teaching profession and was a motivator for many people. She is a model for all the ladies who are always finding barriers or reasons to open their wings.

A good mother neither does everything for her children nor teaches the next generation the wrong ideologies of Patriarchy. You need not try to be a perfect mother who spoon feed your children. A ‘good enough’ mother is greater than a perfect mother. On this day, we should remember Ann Maria Reeves Jarvis and try to be a ‘good enough’ mother with  individuality and Civic sense. Happy Mother’s day to all.